workhastobedone

“I have to bang my hand against some hard door to call myself back to the body.” yes, i know, the same experience here: sometimes i know i am alive because my body is aching. in those days i have to make an extraordinary effort in order to deal with the pain. i have to performe an amazing role, i have to pretend that i am ok, i have to be the one who gives pain and not the one who suffers it.

sometimes i win: everybody believes i am ok, but deep in my heart i know exactly how i feel: legs burnning, left ear buzzing and a broken heart. in a desperate attempt to convince myself that i am ok i say to myself “what the hell, you feel your body, no matter how, be thankful” then, it is just a matter of minutes to realize that i failed miserably and that i am at the point of tears.

and i cry